I wish you could see through the mask

through the fake smile that I wear

I wish you could lend me a hand

'cause I'm falling down again

I wish you could see that I'm not alright

that I'm not okay

far away from that in fact

I wish you could help let down my walls

so I could have shown you what lies behind these lies

I wish you'd take me get some help

but you're just as blind as I'm mute, that's it

but that'll never happen

so for now

I just wish

broken fragile soul in pain

tell me, do you want to stay?

"No." the fragile soul said

"No, I do not want to stay."

take me away with you

darkness

promise to come for me

promise to stay

burns on her legs, her mind and soul

she will never find a way

begging you to see right through the mask

but you don't seem to notice

take me to a peaceful place

darkness

tell me you'll always stay

my heart longs for your company

embrace me

hold me

love me

need me

tell me you'll stay

love me

need me

must you always be on my fucking mind?

"you're a freak. deal with it

everyone knows it already"

you're right

no fresh start...no nothing

still the same fucking martyr

still you

and that's the problem

why do I do it?

"you're gonna kill yourself anyway, right?"

...right

I am

I have to

you can't stop

you won't stop

soon they'll see they can't hep you

and leave

because that's what people do

leave you

"pathetic"

the thin line between death and life

a series of unfortunate events leads you to this...

your death

your finale written in blood, sweat, spit

it's what you wanted

you should feel relieved

happy

fucking happy

you won't be here no more

you're a fucking hypocrite, you know?

yes

why deny the truth?

everything is fucking true

good thing I have you, huh?

((so, this was apparently a very suicidal time for me, I even had a plan and all. It obviously didn't work out))

and in the end, I'll die a failure

hell, I'm killing myself because I am

I'm the problem here

I've always been

I'm lazy, ruthless, reckless, stupid, scared

a complete and utter failure

what a joke

but you know the way out

time to bring a razor down to your wrists

maybe swallow some pills while you're at it

oh, and don't forget the noose

something's ought to kill you

she said she doesn't care

well then she won't stop you, right?

follow the plan

after Christmas though

don't ruint he holidays for your family

there are limits to your own selfishness

in the meantime...act like you don't give a fuck

I've never felt like this

not quite, even

void of all emotion

I do feel empty...but at the same time

I feel it all

sadness, panic, fear, rejection, uselessness

every fucking thing and I don't like it

feel like crying, but at the same time I can't

it's overwhelming

makes me wanna scratch my brain out

I want to feel nothing at all

completely numb

will I get that when I'm dead?

is death the solution?

maybe

but I can't

I promised

I'm holding onto that, it's all I can do

what if I don't make it?

have you ever felt so trapped?

so afraid?

so ashamed?

so weak?

I have

have you ever felt so stupid?

so vulnerable?

so exposed?

so tired?

I have

have you ever wanted to scream at the world?

to run away from everybody?

to drown?

to sleep?

to rest?

I have

have you ever felt like such a disgrace?

a failure?

a mess?

a disappointment?

I have

have you ever wanted to take your own life just to finally put an end to those feelings?

to that pain?

because I have

you can't cry

'cause that's weakness in my eyes

you can't scream

'cause you look crazy to me

you can't feel

you'll be perfect 'cause I say so

I'm so disappointed

you're such a disgrace

a failure

a mistake

all the pain I went through

I did it for you

and how do you thank me?

by slicing you wrists?

failing every damn class?

I know that you don't love me

the feeling's mutual

you fail, I scream

you cry, I hit

you cut, I watch silently behind

I know you're scared

I won't help you through it

we need to pretend you're perfect

at least for a little while

"put on a fake smile for them, act like you're okay"

I smile, I lie once again

"hold on a little while longer, you'll make some new scars when you're alone"

I smile, a real one this time, just thinking about the blood dripping down

crimson red

these voices in my head, they won't let me sleep

they're fighting once again

and I don't know which one to follow

I'm fading away slowly, yet they don't see

razors

ice and salt

pills

that's what my life revolves around now

worthless

ugly

fat

talentless

heartless

that's what I think of myself now

I just wanted to be perfect

perfection

I never thought it'd come this far