These are a series of poems, drabbles, just plain random stuff I wrote when I was younger, around 11-16. And yes, most of them, if not all, are pretty dark
wishing
I wish you could see through the mask
through the fake smile that I wear
I wish you could lend me a hand
'cause I'm falling down again
I wish you could see that I'm not alright
that I'm not okay
far away from that in fact
I wish you could help let down my walls
so I could have shown you what lies behind these lies
I wish you'd take me get some help
but you're just as blind as I'm mute, that's it
but that'll never happen
so for now
I just wish
Read more..darkness
broken fragile soul in pain
tell me, do you want to stay?
"No." the fragile soul said
"No, I do not want to stay."
take me away with you
darkness
promise to come for me
promise to stay
burns on her legs, her mind and soul
she will never find a way
begging you to see right through the mask
but you don't seem to notice
take me to a peaceful place
darkness
tell me you'll always stay
my heart longs for your company
embrace me
hold me
love me
need me
tell me you'll stay
love me
need me
Read more..still troubled
must you always be on my fucking mind?
"you're a freak. deal with it
everyone knows it already"
you're right
no fresh start...no nothing
still the same fucking martyr
still you
and that's the problem
why do I do it?
"you're gonna kill yourself anyway, right?"
...right
I am
I have to
you can't stop
you won't stop
soon they'll see they can't hep you
and leave
because that's what people do
leave you
"pathetic"
Read more..I won't blackout
the thin line between death and life
a series of unfortunate events leads you to this...
your death
your finale written in blood, sweat, spit
it's what you wanted
you should feel relieved
happy
fucking happy
you won't be here no more
you're a fucking hypocrite, you know?
yes
why deny the truth?
everything is fucking true
good thing I have you, huh?
Read more..too lost to be saved (thanks god I'm sane...oh wait)
((so, this was apparently a very suicidal time for me, I even had a plan and all. It obviously didn't work out))
and in the end, I'll die a failure
hell, I'm killing myself because I am
I'm the problem here
I've always been
I'm lazy, ruthless, reckless, stupid, scared
a complete and utter failure
what a joke
but you know the way out
time to bring a razor down to your wrists
maybe swallow some pills while you're at it
oh, and don't forget the noose
something's ought to kill you
she said she doesn't care
well then she won't stop you, right?
follow the plan
after Christmas though
don't ruint he holidays for your family
there are limits to your own selfishness
in the meantime...act like you don't give a fuck
Read more..overwhelming
I've never felt like this
not quite, even
void of all emotion
I do feel empty...but at the same time
I feel it all
sadness, panic, fear, rejection, uselessness
every fucking thing and I don't like it
feel like crying, but at the same time I can't
it's overwhelming
makes me wanna scratch my brain out
I want to feel nothing at all
completely numb
will I get that when I'm dead?
is death the solution?
maybe
but I can't
I promised
I'm holding onto that, it's all I can do
what if I don't make it?
Read more..imperfect
have you ever felt so trapped?
so afraid?
so ashamed?
so weak?
I have
have you ever felt so stupid?
so vulnerable?
so exposed?
so tired?
I have
have you ever wanted to scream at the world?
to run away from everybody?
to drown?
to sleep?
to rest?
I have
have you ever felt like such a disgrace?
a failure?
a mess?
a disappointment?
I have
have you ever wanted to take your own life just to finally put an end to those feelings?
to that pain?
because I have
Read more..in my eyes
you can't cry
'cause that's weakness in my eyes
you can't scream
'cause you look crazy to me
you can't feel
you'll be perfect 'cause I say so
I'm so disappointed
you're such a disgrace
a failure
a mistake
all the pain I went through
I did it for you
and how do you thank me?
by slicing you wrists?
failing every damn class?
I know that you don't love me
the feeling's mutual
you fail, I scream
you cry, I hit
you cut, I watch silently behind
I know you're scared
I won't help you through it
we need to pretend you're perfect
at least for a little while
Read more..what my life revolves around
"put on a fake smile for them, act like you're okay"
I smile, I lie once again
"hold on a little while longer, you'll make some new scars when you're alone"
I smile, a real one this time, just thinking about the blood dripping down
crimson red
these voices in my head, they won't let me sleep
they're fighting once again
and I don't know which one to follow
I'm fading away slowly, yet they don't see
razors
ice and salt
pills
that's what my life revolves around now
worthless
ugly
fat
talentless
heartless
that's what I think of myself now
I just wanted to be perfect
perfection
I never thought it'd come this far
Read more..